Poorly describe your faves

[Total_Saikou]

Bringing back an MH classic here. Try and make a botched music recommendation by describing your faves in a humourous and (mostly) incorrect way! Try to keep it to 1-3 sentences

Dir en Grey: (old) Imagine Marilyn Manson and the spooky kids after they watched too much anime
(mid) Slipknot 4 weebs
(new) ASMR mic throwing theatre performance art group. I think there’s an instrumental playing in the back or something

Plastic Tree: (old) Why is Robert Smith singing in Asian???
(new) Chinese bootleg Radiohead (I think I saw someone call them this in a YT comment section once)

Malice Mizer: (Tetsu era) REUHL GAWF
(Gackt era) Fuwa Fuwa Furansunese desu~!
(Klaha era) Castlevania soundtrack music

Guniw Tools: A frightening display of what happens when you give a visual arts major too much money

Metronome and FLOPPY and COSMO-SHIKI and Shinjuku Gewalt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnP94m5pwls&ab_channel=MaxCompilations

Cali Gari: The Smiths but for degenerates. Weeaboo degenerates

KAMIJO: Gay French vampire metal

X Japan: A legendary glam band like Motley Crue! They keep releasing tired compilations and ride on their past glory

MUCC: “Scary depressive music” made by clean cut mfers who tuck their shirt into their pants, eat dessert last, call their parents once a week and brush their teeth twice a day

Coaltar of the Deepers: Do you want some shoegaze with your Bossanova jazz/thrash metal album?

Deadman: Okay, we get it, you’re a depressed Japanese literature major

Goatbed: Two Japanese brothers blinded by 80s nostalgia goggles make music for people who peaked back in 2004

[HeroOfLove]

Vistlip - makes one song - copies it for the next 5 albums, then remaster, rinse and repeat

The national kid - I like nirwana too but it smells like the only song you know

Slipknot - Rick rubin isint around to carry you anymore

Limp bizkit - results may vary, couldn’t explain that one better

Girugamesh - I threw away half your collection just because of zecchou bang

Atmos*note - you psychedelic motherfxxers

An cafe - miku you were pretty nyappy when your nudes got leaked huh?

Daisystripper - if you’re looking a snu snu jam but Japanese, then they got you covered (dictator is a personal fav)

Golden bomber - if you hate live music, then this isint going to fix it, but the pv’s are funny tho

SuG - supposed to be less spastic then golden bomber (words of jps forums)

Kenshi yonezu - how are you number 1 on oricon?

Yoasobi - remember that one maritn garrex or garret song that was so overrated? Yeah this is that except its a duo.

Disturbed - no band has done more with less

Buglug - word of advice, don’t stare at issei’s eyes.

Kisaki project - solitude songs cost more then my house

Liphlich - can you guys please stick to one sound? I can’t connect folk with electronica.

Shocking lemon - feels bad to be only known for an anime and completely forgotten…

Babylon - was not a fun time after kazuki got kicked and every song sounded the same.

Metro station - if this was 2010 and I said “I like this band!” I would not be alive today

R shittei - if emos weren’t extinct, this would be their go to band

[araxzijk]

DELUHI: G! A! L! D! waaaaaaaahhhhhh! type of metalcore with technical guitar riffs.
GALEYD: DELUHI wannabe? nope, they’re alternative metal with power metal, also with tech guitar riffs tho, and short-lived.
Deathgaze: if melodeath goes Jrock and the sun is useless.
Signal: a band with a vocalist who dare to eat a roach and do unclean vocals in a strange way.
Wing Works: an one-man band who tried to be Korean (maybe) but failed and turned into European, sometimes metal.
D.I.D.: it’s a thing if you know Para:noir… congrats! now you’re a fan of D.I.D., try not to say “oh wow” while listening to the vocal skill.
Nihilizm: a strong deja-vu about everything of Para:noir… congrats! now you’re a fan of Nihilizm, try not to say “wtf” while listening to their early songs.
Nocturnal Bloodlust: Japanese Bring Me The Horizon or Amatory but doesn’t play pop rock and mixes -core and nu-metal well.
lynch: typical alternative metal plus metalcore but also has great ballads. hard to pick out “classic riffs” though.
VII-SENSE: European revolutionary classical music goes Jrock.

and, um…

Vollstrecker: do you know how dadaism goes Jrock? there you have it. no, don’t turn it off, they just pretend to be “crappy”, you foolish listeners never know the “artistic” aspects of avant-garde music and…

[Rena]

Gauzes - Blood, Blood, Blooooood
(that’s my kids description by the way, not mine )

[violetchain]

HYSTERIC PANIC - What if the guy from R-Shitei was also really into rap and the rest of the band was like a more kawaii Maximum the Hormone?

[yamidere]

i talked about this with my friend lol but i jokingly make the difference between avelcain and rands like this.

avelcain: i wanna die because i’m sad, i wanna die because i love you, i wanna die because i’m sad and i love you
rands: how many art references can i fit into a singular song

[araxzijk]

or, avelcain could be “wristcut” instead of just “die”

[CervaCannibale]

Versailles: if Takarazuka Revue were all men instead of all women.

If you haven’t seen Takarazuka:

[foccius]

Dollar Store Lestat