Bringing back an MH classic here. Try and make a botched music recommendation by describing your faves in a humourous and (mostly) incorrect way! Try to keep it to 1-3 sentences
Dir en Grey: (old) Imagine Marilyn Manson and the spooky kids after they watched too much anime
(mid) Slipknot 4 weebs
(new) ASMR mic throwing theatre performance art group. I think there’s an instrumental playing in the back or something
Plastic Tree: (old) Why is Robert Smith singing in Asian???
(new) Chinese bootleg Radiohead (I think I saw someone call them this in a YT comment section once)
Malice Mizer: (Tetsu era) REUHL GAWF
(Gackt era) Fuwa Fuwa Furansunese desu~!
(Klaha era) Castlevania soundtrack music
Guniw Tools: A frightening display of what happens when you give a visual arts major too much money
Metronome and FLOPPY and COSMO-SHIKI and Shinjuku Gewalt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnP94m5pwls&ab_channel=MaxCompilations
Cali Gari: The Smiths but for degenerates. Weeaboo degenerates
KAMIJO: Gay French vampire metal
X Japan: A legendary glam band like Motley Crue! They keep releasing tired compilations and ride on their past glory
MUCC: “Scary depressive music” made by clean cut mfers who tuck their shirt into their pants, eat dessert last, call their parents once a week and brush their teeth twice a day
Coaltar of the Deepers: Do you want some shoegaze with your Bossanova jazz/thrash metal album?
Deadman: Okay, we get it, you’re a depressed Japanese literature major
Goatbed: Two Japanese brothers blinded by 80s nostalgia goggles make music for people who peaked back in 2004