Where is the Theard about Zeke Deux’s Foundraising / Europe Tour?
I don’t find it over the search or anywhere anymore.
It was not official so it was removed.
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I love the fact that whenever I see Genki or Meto on Instagram, I feel happy for them, but when I see MiA’s Instagram I’m just confused lol
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Speaking of MiA… I am still haunted by this photo
Looks like my sleep paralyisis demon
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Was bidding on the two Cali Gari demo single cassettes on Yahoo - I won one of them, but it ended earlier than I thought & I got sniped on the second one 
not having the complete pair is gonna be annoying
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His face looks AI generated or like he’s trying to process something but struggles with it
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To be fair I think those lenses would look weird on anyone.
I like “shock” colored lenses as much as the next person but some unnatural colors just look… unnatural lol
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This picture jump scared me lol
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Anyone have any experience with Anti-cosmic satanism aka Anti-Cosmic Gnosticism, aka Chaos Gnosticism etc?
I’m still flabbergasted at how easily groups disband and switch members like trading cards
Its not always that easy, i think, eventhough it might look to us like it.
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This might be a bummer to some people so I’ll put my thoughts under a cut.
I guess trigger warning for death?
Summary
So my maternal grandfather died on Thursday. It wasn’t sudden, he had prostate cancer and had been in palliative care since like May or June, I’m not entirely sure. Based on what my mother has been telling me he was in a lot of constant pain for the past few weeks, so much so that he was unable to be home and was an inpatient at a ward at the healthcare center when he passed.
I’m not particularly close with my extended (hell, even immediate) family and wasn’t really keeping in touch with my grandfather, so I wouldn’t say I’m devastated or anything, but I guess I figured I’d feel something other than “well at least he’s not in pain anymore, shame about grandma though since she’s alone now”. And now I’m more or less trying to guilt trip myself into being really sad because that’s how you’re supposed to feel, right?
And that last point kind of segways into the next:
I assume that I’ll probably ~connect with my feelings~ or whatever at the funeral, which is in 3 weeks. I realized yesterday that even though about 90% of my wardrobe is black, I can’t exactly roll up to a funeral in a band shirt, dirty sneakers and sweatpants with holes in them. So, I have to go shopping for some appropriate attire. (I bought some basic black slacks earlier today and only after getting home decided to google “funeral dresscode” which says that women should be wearing either a dress or a pant suit, neither of which I’ll be going for… So we’re off to an excellent start.)
Now.
My grandfather is the first person in my somewhat-immediate family to pass away. Both him and my grandmother have had siblings that have died, but I never met most of them and therefore didn’t attend their funerals.
At 33 years of age I have never attended a funeral that I have any memories of. My paternal grandfather died when I was 3 but I have no memories of it, I’ve only seen photos of myself at the funeral, so it doesn’t really count?
I have no idea what kind of service I’m supposed to expect or what kind of possible “program” my mother is going to arrange for later. (She already asked me and my brother about possible food allergies, so I guess there’s going to be a lunch of some sort?) I have no idea how I’m supposed to behave or what I’m supposed to do. I don’t even know if I have to get flowers or a letter of condolence (idk if that’s an appropriate English translation, sorry) since I’m directly related to the deceased.
I also have no idea how to end this rant lmao. I’m well aware that funeral etiquette differs greatly between cultures and countries so I don’t really expect actual advice, although if you have any please feel free to share.
I‘m going on with the keeping it behind a spoiler.
CN Funeral
Spoiler
I can‘t give any advice for you anyway since I‘m from Germany and still didn‘t even figure out things here. The few times I‘ve been to funerals I just mimicked what others were doing.
What I‘d advice, if you don‘t wanna do this (it‘s not the safest way), ask your mother or whomever else will be attending what to expect because it will be a first to you. i think that‘s a good reason to ask because where shall the knowledge come from? I think even within the same culture there can be differences depending on possible differences in beliefs and therefore churches or whatever so someone who‘s known your grandfather well or explicitly your mother who seems to organize everything shall know best for this certain funeral.
For the guilt part, my grandma passed last year. I still didn‘t grief. One reason might be the low-grade dissociation I‘m constantly in even though that doesn‘t completely cut off feelings so I guess at some point things would have gotten through (I‘ve not been attending her funeral for several reasons though). I think, knowing that she didn‘t wanna live anymore (she‘d been 94 years old, fully taking care of herself until a year earlier and in a rest home due to fast increasing of dementia for the last six months) led me to similar thoughts. She wasn‘t in physical pain but for the last couple of years she sometimes said during phone calls that she wished she could fall asleep at night and not wake up again. She got to where she wanted to be, I strongly believe that. I think it‘s alright to see things that way. It felt strange to me to imagine the world without her and when her birthday last year came up it also felt strange to not call her but knowing she wasn‘t happy to live anymore is still the stronger feeling and that‘s why I still didn‘t grief, I guess.
I hope it helps you a bit, knowing that you‘re not alone. You said one thing that is important, I think:
I‘m convinced screw society and norms. There‘s no right way to feel because feelings are as different as people are. The same goes about how long grief takes. Some people go through it immediately others later, others never. For some it takes just a short amount of time, for others as long as it‘s socially accepted as normal and for others it takes way longer or even forever. All of this is valid.
Please don‘t loathe yourself for your feelings.
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my beer on funerals for you
You usually dont necessarly need to wear a suit or a dress, yeah… if you got nothing more than a black jeans, that can work too.
It depends on your family a bit too tbh.
I remember attending the funeral of a close friend with black jeans.
But yeah… bandshirts isnt a good idea for funerals.
I’ve witnessed more funerals than weddings.
From my great aunts and great uncle, to two years ago my own dad.
About griefing… Dont blame yourself. Sometimes grief can even come later in life, when you realize that you lost something.
And the fact that you feel sorry for your grandma means that you do care
For your grandfather, you usually dont have to get a letter, because its your immediate family. Flowers for the grave? I am not sure.
Try to talk to anyone in your family you Have contact too.
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Summary
The only black pants I had before getting the slacks were not really presentable for official events, so I can excuse a little bit of spending on formalesque clothes. And my family knows that I’m not particularly fond of dresses/skirts so I’m sure they’ll be ok with the pants.
My mother just messaged me earlier today asking if we (me and my brother) had any preferences for the color of roses we’re (apparently) placing on the casket, so at this point I think all I have to do is show up. I’m visiting my aunt and cousins next weekend so I guess I can ask her if any burning questions come up between now and then.
Younger millenials don’t have money to throw big weddings 
I’ve attended 3 weddings in the past 15 or so years and all of the couples have been 4-5 years older than me… Hopefully the economy recovers in the next 10-15 years so that once my cousin’s kids are old enough to get married they can throw actual parties
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I would die for a group of bangya friends. I want to queue up for events, go shopping for concert outfits, get our hair and makeup done at salons, travel, take purikura, go to karaoke and drink at yakiniku places before concerts.
But no one seems to want to be friends with me. I can be a bit awkward at first but I do what I can, I try to be friendly and talk to people, but no one seems to be interested.
I hold myself to exceptionally high standards, I always have good manners and try to be extremely polite, assertive and nice to people.
I was rejected by so many bangyas and groups… Maybe it’s my voice? Or people think I am stuck up because of how I present myself? Or my resting bitch face…
For 17 years, v系 is a hobby that I enjoy completely by myself. On the good side, at least no one can ruin it for me
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ZIZ sounds like the kind music I’d play while playing Vampire the Maquerade.
Brackish water flowing out of all the pipes in the 1BR apartment I pay $2k/mo for…
Prime demonstration of why landlords are a parasitic wort on the ass of society. At best, you break even by being an exceptionally kind and understanding person coming to exact their pound of flesh. At worst, you get my slumlord of a management company who make it an Olympic sport to not be contacted. Been here five years, model tenant, everyone in the building loves me, and yet I’m paying more and more for an apartment that has outside bugs, mice, water bugs, a bathroom ceiling constantly caving in, doors falling off shelves, holes under the baseboard that weren’t plugged, uncontrollable temperature so it’s always 80F no matter what time of the year it is, a toilet that runs like a politician, and wooden floors louder than a landmine with a warp so pronounced I walk on eggshells to go to the bathroom. Yesterday there was a fucking pigeon in the lobby chilling and the super couldn’t conjure less emotion if he put on an Academy Award Winning performance for imitating the acting range of a candlestick.
And this is one of the top 3 neighborhoods in this area.
I need to get outta here.
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