Was it
Or
?
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I feel myself trapped… and I think sort of financially abused? They have to pay me insurance for the period I can’t work, but they can’t tell when, because they are “too busy” to contact our health insurance company… I don’t have money to pay my rent and bills, and they know it, and now they are just ignoring me… moving to Japan was the biggest mistake, haha. I’m angry and frustrated.
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Well, you “feel” finantially abused because you probably “are” . I said I can’t help much with that because I heard the stories - people complaining about how difficult it is to rent a place as a foreigner in Japan and… yeah, it sounds nightmareish. Are you half-Japanese? If so, can’t you find support in an immigrant community from your country or something like that? Maybe even the consulate but I am not sure if they help. With things like providing you basic support, loan collateral or even job opportunities. Money is the kind of thing that sounds easy to come by (after all what would the fortunate ones do if the truth - that so many people are overworked and slaved away for little money - came to light more obviously) but it really isn’t when you need it the most. You see people making lots of money by doing the stupidest shit and tricking people and it looks easy, but then you need it to get by and it’s a struggle and you wonder - the fuck why.
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So it’s been one day and some change and I’ve already noticed a change.
There’s a part of my brain that is decreasing in volume, the part of my brain which had dedicated space for turning over thoughts which would eventually transfer to social media platforms. It felt like pacing back and forth in the locker room before the big game, or going over your notes one final time before a debate. My brain was always chopping up and rearranging these thoughts in my head so that they would “present nicely” if I were to ever say anything, because God forbid you say or use the wrong word once and your time is pretty much up.
I just took this phenomenon as the price of using the Internet in 2022, but I’m actively taking steps to shut that stream of consciousness off after my revelation of “very few people actually care about me and what I think”. It’s not depressing, it’s liberating! I can think without policing myself because of what someone else might think or say if they could hear the conversations in my head. I don’t feel like I have to “present”. I am so glad I’m not an influencer where everyone projects their ideals and beliefs onto me, only to get upset when I don’t measure up to an impossibly high standard. I’m not an entertainer where what I say and do might affect someone else. I’m just a guy from the hood.
I think I’m attuned to believing people care about my opinions more than they do. When opinions, quips, tweets come flying my way from every direction non-stop, I get this impression that I’m adding to the whirl by throwing my two cents in. But what’s two cents to $3 billion? Not a damn thing. However, if I say something on purpose to incite outrage, suddenly I’ll have people coming through the walls and out of the woodwork to say their piece and “correct” me…even if they don’t talk to me otherwise!
I think the biggest piece of damning proof is that I told my fiancee I deactivated my Facebook and she said she wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t said anything. The love of my life, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, the person I talk to every day, didn’t notice I was gone. If she didn’t notice, then who would?
No one.
But more importantly, why do I feel the need to be noticed? Where did that come from? Find out next time on Dragonball Z!
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As a fellow foreigner living in an Asian country and having to deal with stuff like this, I strongly recommend you try to find some expat facebook groups to ask for any kind of advice! When you live away from your own country and don’t have family with you, facebook groups can be a godsend in terms of legal information and support! Maybe you can find some information on any legal protections you may have with regards to the insurance payments, or even just find a super cheap place to stay for a little while until you can get a new job/apartment!
You can do it!!! It’s hard being out here on our own in countries that CLEARLY don’t care about us sometimes, but expat communities are great at helping each other out in tight spots like this!
がんばって‼︎ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ
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Thank you, I’ll try to find something…
TIL QUORDLE is a thing now… Not bad for my first round 
Daily Quordle #20
Do I know when to stop? No, but I notice interesting things and I have no one to talk to about it.
Long story short, the bot situation on YouTube is outta control. Maybe it’s been like this for a while since I don’t normally read comments, but this is just insane. These are just some excerpts from one comedy sketch video I was watching.
I’ve been on this whole kick of “no genuine interaction from social media”, but considering that these tech giants measure progress and success in interaction you have to wonder if this is on purpose. It’s another way of looking at it. Having all of these bots flesh out your numbers and drop copy-pasted comments makes your website look more active than it is. This is very obvious, because they’re all bots hyper focused on sex. But what if we were more subtle and intentional about our approach? What about on other social media sites where you have some generic-looking profile of a guy named Robert G. or David M. constantly posting racist Nazi messages on Twitter, but it’s actually a bot and the profile picture was formed from machine learning data trained on a set of human faces? It sounds like something out of a sci-fi dystopian novel but…
Summary
None of these people exist. You can explore more here.
And before anyone accuses me of cherry-picking, most of the faces generated on this website are white and reflect something called bias in computer science. If you’re on the Discord, you already know where I’m headed with this.
It’s very obvious that your mood can be manipulated by what you read and see on social media, we know companies engage in cyber warfare, elections all over the world have been heavily influenced and amplified by the interactions on social media, we can create deepfakes that are convincing enough to cast doubt on video evidence, but yet we act like every interaction we have on social media is coming from a human? It’s so cheap and easy to whip up a couple of scripts to generate outrage and slowly shift the Overton window into a more radical direction. Why wouldn’t nations invest money into cyber warfare and social engineering? Soon we won’t even be able to trust what our eyes and our ears show us anymore and that is incredibly dangerous. Once that box is opened there is no closing it.
@CAT5, whenever you rewatch Ghost in the Shell: SAC, I want you to look out for one particular scene in the first season. This is when the Laughing Man first pops up on the scene and hacks everyone simultaneously. As he runs down the streets people’s eyes are getting hijacked and the only person that saw his real face was a bum too poor to afford implants. It’s quick and subtle, but it’s occupied real estate in my mind ever since. In this case, I want to be the bum. Considering we’re trialing implants that are frying monkey’s brains and causing other…unsavory side effects, I think I’m gonna skip the inevitable cybernetic augmentation wave.
I’ve always been skeptical of blurring the line between man and machine, but I don’t know how many dystopian cyberpunk novels were read before it was turned from a warning to a script.
Welcome to the inner machinations of my mind. It’s a bit dark in here.
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Can’t say that I relate to those people who say “oh yeah, I forgot how to behave in public during the pandemic!” because there’s no way to forget something you never learned properly but I did forget how to fake not having mental illness. It was a treacherous lifelong process to learn how to fake it (mask? I think this is what autistic people call it) and now I am supposed to go back to a routine of being outside from 7:30 am to 10:30 pm and it’s not working. I went to bed at 9 pm and it’s almost 1 am and I didn’t manage to sleep yet, even though I am sleep deprived due to insomnia for the past 7 days or so.
And then some fuckers are like “ohh yay back to school wow so happy!” and I honestly have no idea what’s wrong with them. Why would anyone want to not have remote classes? Spend time and money commuting, COVID and (in my case) having migraines because people are annoying, being stressed out because there is no way to make things fit your schedule, having to take notes and pretend you’re paying attention when you could be playing or drawing while listening to the class. What’s good???
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bc some of us empaths need to mooch serotonin off of others bc we cant make it ourselves and then get locked in the dungeons of our minds
I’m very sorry to hear that. It’s other employees that are acting this way? And I’m guessing the boss knows but all they can do is say, “good luck?” That sounds like an awful work environment. Is there no way to report this in some capacity? HR department?
Happy Valentine’s Mother FK !!
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Shoo shoo, I have a hard enough time making just a little for myself to get by 
(also, what’s it about the whole empath thing? I’m a bit of a mood sponge myself which is why I … hate going outside?)
(Incidentally, yeah, I didn’t leave home today lol guess who is failing haha)
no i mean i am so empathetic that i literally feel other people’s feelings, usually more than they are actually feeling them (i cry on BEHALF of people, as absurd as that sounds??) so when i am around happy people, it takes a conscious effort to be unhappy.
more of a mirror than a sponge? I reflect the emotions of those around me, but if there is nobody around me, i reflect…the VOID??? existential dread happens?? excesive introspection etc. something like that
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The term NTR video letter is trending in japan right, people are either talking about sending a video to their partner or being sent one. That is a very weird kink and flex…
What a day I had today or rather my cat. I think it was the worst day of this year 2022.
Okay… I’m going into details now why it felt like this. More or less people may know that I’m a cat lover. If anything would happen to my cats, I’d put my hand in the fire.
Actually the day started quite normal but I noticed my white cat (her name is Kaschmir in english cashmere) wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t figure out what the actual reason was for this. I only noticed she was apathetic and later she had bad diarrhoea which she had never been so bad. I had to bathe her and she hated it so much. Now my left arm looks like I’ve carved myself. I admit she wasn’t used to bathing so it was her first time and I felt very sorry for her. It was the only best solution to clean her butt but usually I used a scissor to remove dirty fur. After bathing, everything was clean and I kinda felt relieved and my cat started to feeling better.
But no, a few hours later she had diarrhoea again and didn’t looked well after that. And then, my head turned into emergency mode, I just couldn’t stay calm anymore and my hands started shaking. The whole time I was thinking so hard and almost got lost in my own worst-case-scenario thinking. The bad thing is I suffer from social anxiety and even little things like a simple phone call are a burden for me. But… I’m glad I pulled myself together and called my veterinarian. She asked me some questions and we found out she had eaten a small piece of onion that was around 1cm. I remembered that the day before I accidentally dropped it on the floor. As always my all-you-can-eat cat was so quick and just ate it. I still blame myself for this 'cause I didn’t know onions are very toxic for cats and dogs. Just a small amount of it can be deadly because of the dangerous sulphur compounds, it leads into anemia.
The veterinary told me I have to come by as soon as possible. Aftert this my world was sooo broken and again I was lost in my own negative world. Just the imagination if anything bad would happen to her, kills me inside and as always I was crying again, this is the only thing I’m good at it. I just hate myself I acted like this. Why couldn’t I just stay calm and keep a cool head, it’s always the same with me and I know because all of my drama I make things more worse than it actually is. I wasn’t a big help to my cat and I’d totally understand when she’d hate me all my life now.
So… I’m going to turn off my negativity mode now. Y’all probably wanna know how cat’s doing now? - I finally have good news. The veterinary told me she’s fine and luckily her blood test results were better than expected so that means she will stay with me. My cat got an injection and medicaments for the next day and then everything will be okay for her.
Overall, I can say I’m glad, so glad she’s fine after all my drama and not to forget it was her birthday today. My cat turned 9 years old but what a coincidence that this would happen on her day.
Hmm… I’d say this was the best birthday gift, uhm… I mean that she is doing well! 
Sry for my bad English
And this is how my baby looks now after this day
Cute as always
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Shame on everyone who grew up and stopped seeding torrents
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Is Gackt still popular? I’ve been listening to some of his mid 2000’s stuff and I forgot how much I enjoyed it
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It’s night here and we have a heavy storm outside. I feel afraid just because of the wind noise…
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