I’m 41 and I have more friends now than as a Teen.
I think the two main reasons why a lot of people in their 30ies and above don’t have a lot of friends are:
1.) Being around friends does not come naturally anymore, you need to actively reach out and make plans. That takes time and energy, which a lot of people don’t have or don’t want to spend, due to having kids, work, hobbies, etc.
When you are young, most friends are either in your school, neighbourhood, etc. were you don’t need to make an effort to see each other very often.
2.) It’s just much harder to meet new people and establish a connection. We are also pickier with whom we want to spend our free time with. We probably all had some friends in school with whom we lost contact soon after graduating because in the end, it was more of a “partnership of convenience” (e.g. being in the same clique) than a real friendship.
My tip for people who want to have more friends: Don’t hesitate to reach out to the people you care about even though it might be some time ago that you last had contact. Everyone is always busy nowadays, so most people don’t expect to meet up every week. Also: Go with open eyes through the world and don’t be too shy, your next bestie could be right around the corner
For example, I met one of my friends on a hen party a few years ago. We got along there really well so I asked her at the wedding if she would like to grab a coffee with me soon. The rest is history
I could not agree more with the reasons @Xayide listed above.
Lots of acquaintances, maybe en route to becoming friends with a couple from work, and a cousin and one dear person whom I count as a friends even though we haven’t been in touch much in the past years as we used to when we were teens, for the obvious reason: adult life. Also, my husband is that one person who is more than a friend, but a friend nonetheless. So, I don’t need more than just a hand to count the people I love enough to consider my friends.
Also, I came here to say something else about getting older: it sucks to see how fragile your parents become as they age. My dad had a stroke on Monday. Besides, our relationship is not easy - he is a really difficult person for anyone to deal with, and he has made some pretty bad choices in life. You reap what you sow all right. But now my sister and I have to step in, because we have a responsibility.
My sister and I didn’t use to be close when we were younger, but as adults, I see how important she is in my life. Once our parents leave this world, we will have each other.
I completely agree with what you both said. But I’d like to add something that maybe some of us here can relate to: living in a different culture makes friendships even more challenging. I moved from Brazil to Germany 10 years ago, already as an adult, and had to start from scratch and that really made me reflect on how much harder it is to form real connections across cultures.
In my experience, especially with Germans, it’s tough to build genuine friendships. They tend to be more reserved, and to Brazilians, that often feels cold. Coming from a culture where warmth and openness are almost automatic, the contrast hits hard… like a knife to the heart, honestly.
I know a lot of fellow expats here in Berlin who barely have any close friendships with locals. On the other hand, there seems to be more openness and emotional warmth among other foreigners, we’re all in the same boat, navigating this place together.So yeah, just wanted to say that living abroad in a culturally distant country adds a whole other layer to the challenge of building friendships and that fits right in with everything you’ve both already pointed out.
I wanted to PM you saying I wanted to reply to you in detail, but I am meeting my sister at UPA. The thing is, I can’t PM people anymore, I’ve looked for the option everywhere. I guess my trust level has gone down.
Thanks for noticing that it “feels cold to you” but is not actual coldness… because you know what also hurts? Getting called cold all the time. I am just mentioning it because I am very sure people don’t mean to be hurtful but just don’t think that it is kinda hurtful to us, too. We are not “cold on purpose”.
Culture diffrences are really a though thing because what feels like warmth and hospitility to one feels rude and superficial to the other. And what feels polite and considerate to one feels cold and distant to the other. But in reality no one is ruder or colder. Just diffrent social conventions and clues that have to be learned like a language as well.
That makes a lot of sense. I don’t really feel like having trouble making/having friends despite being 37.
But I had a hard time in school and was bullied so I always had to look actively for friends outside of that context.
And I never had problems after leaving school.
I still have those friends I made outside of school because they were not made because we just happend to be in the same class. But anyway, when it comes to friendships quality is always more important than quantity. If I only had my two best friends, it would still be enough.
Brazilians “make friends” real easy - we meet new people and engage in conversation easily, anywhere. We are a loud people. Even I, who tend to be more reserved, have bonded with a woman whose husband had a stroke, just like my dad. We exchanged numbers on the first day here. By the way, I have always found it weird how in anime people only do that once they have known each other for some time.
I think most germans would not consider this becoming friends but aquintances
On the other hand lot of other cultures are much more reserved when it comes to being naked. My coworkes from the British and Canadien branch visited the German branch once and the hotel had a sauna. They told us they brought their bathing suits and were shocked when we told them, they can not wear them in the saune and the sauna is very likey mixed. You could say germans are at least more open in that regard
Look, I get what you’re saying, but let me tell you something real: I lived in a town near Berlin for almost 8 years, and believe it or not, I never made a true friendship with any Germans. My foreign friends,even Brazilians feel the same way. The connection just doesn’t happen, even when we give Germans space and time to open up.
It doesn’t matter if they’re German from the south or the north, because that historical divide still weighs heavily you know, post-war.As valid as your perspective is, no one born here will truly understand what it’s like to be a foreigner in this country. Especially in recent years, acceptance and openness towards foreigners have declined a lot, and you know what I’m talking about, the current news shows a growing distance, a barrier that only keeps getting bigger.
It saddens me to see that this dark past seems alive again, and the whole world already notices it, forming negative opinions based on this context, coming from that group we all know. Unfortunately, nowadays it’s not just about cultural differences; it’s about how blindness and ignorance are affecting the entire country.
I’m sad because I’ve dedicated 10 years of my life here, and it feels like, no matter what I do, I’m never truly welcome. That’s why I’m already planning to move to a more open and welcoming place.
But please know I’m not saying everyone here is like that, its just based on my experience and that of my foreign and Brazilian friends… the rejection is real, unfortunately.
I’m pretty sure that it is always quite hard to make friends in aforeign country, especially when the culture is so different like Germany and Brazil.
I think this is also something to keep in mind - I don’t know anyone from Brazil, but as I’m working in an international company with lots of branches in different countries I do have a lot of contact with people from across the world. (And I studied cultural studies, even though I don’t work in the field ) And I noticed that in Germany it takes comparatively longer until we call someone a friend and not just an acquaintance.
I remember more than one occasion, where someone from another country called me a friend and to me, this was kind of off-putting (that’s a little harsh, but I can’t think of a better description now). I felt like I barely know the person after meeting just a few times and only had rather short and superficial talks. I don’t know why exactly but I also felt a little bit pressured.
So I guess the different expectations and definitions of friendship can also add to the problem.
That is the same thing I went through. I was constantly bullied in my youth, be it at school (heavily) or at home (stepfather). And I’m just not the type of person that at some point decided to hit the gym and show it to all the people that did me wrong. I‘m the type of guy who says „screw y‘all“ and moves into the woods to be left alone and find peace. That is what I did at 17 years old and that is where my reclusive nature comes from I guess
Also I hope you guys are all doing fine. I know also how it is to be pretty much friendless, but maybe I also just don’t fully understand Egyptian friendship.
And also maybe that partially why we ended up on online communities like JRO. We had no one offline, so we searched companionship online.
Moreover, foreign friends who have the same interests especially in subcultures like Japanese music and Visual Kei regardless of where they are from can be friends with more easily than people from one’s own country who have nothing in common.
Because we live in a society shaped by modern Eurocentrism, now disguised as “Americentrism,” along with the cultural imperialism of the English-speaking world. Not to mention, it’s a colonized mindset, shaped by centuries of cultural dominance.
I am just mentioning it because I am very sure people don’t mean to be hurtful but just don’t think that it is kinda hurtful to us, too. We are not “cold on purpose”.
what if men bathed and put on clothes and makeup
