I hate making phone calls, I always have to pace around the apartment, literally can’t stand still on the phone. No one has my phone number besides my so for a reason because I’d probably freak the fuck out if telemarketers or anyone else for that matter called me.
1 Like
I feel you. I literally had to go outside to make this call. Like I physically had to remove myself from my apartment in order to make one simple call. And the best part is that the whole call took less than a minute. Honestly I have no words for myself at this point. Anxiety is a bitch.
1 Like
I’m still like 6 generations behind with Pokemon, but Lechonk is so cute.
1 Like
That is about right.
But i’d like to add, after digging on tanuki and twitter, Daichi made up with Ncbl (Natsu seems to be the main responsible for that to have happened)
Then there is Cazqui who seems to refuse to reconcile.
Also i am not sure about it, but Lin and Cazqui seem to follow each other on social media. Did that happened before Lin got kicked from Ncbl or after 
Then again cazqui still follows ncbl members on Twitter so 
who knows, and who cares
Musical wise, i personally just go with whatever i vibe.
And don’t get me wrong, but what is really still new and innovative these days still?? Isn’t by now everything somewhere a copy of something
Free ace ramblings, for whoever wants them.
Now, I don’t go around talking about this but I self-identify (privately) as biro (panro? I kinda need to learn the difference but I just say biro bc its shorter and clear enough.) ace. One thing that makes me so sure of it is the fact that nobody I ever met in life anywhere - at any online community or virtual space, IRL, from my family or at school or college or anime conventions or streets or literally anywhere else, ALL my circles - would say that I am lying about this, unless they’re lying themselves. Yet it’s something I never named (maybe I can’t say talked about because people talk about sex too often and I always sound uninterested, but) anywhere off-anon except for 1) on my private Twitter, 2) in here, 3) on my personal Tumblr (only once, recently, bit of a coming out post) and 4) on AVEN but still, every single person who knew me at any point in my life if asked “is she biroace?” would probably answer anything between “yes” to “no idea, but that makes sense” to “oh… OHHHHHH”. And yeah. You know why? Because that’s what I fucking am. The only people that might say “nah” are literally the ones that don’t believe such a label is a thing, because they personally don’t feel it. And that’s okay, to each their own, the right to be wrong and all that.
But bro. The way A LOT of people don’t even know this is a valid way to feel … baffling, really. It comes naturally to me so there is a lot of “huh?” from both parts sometimes. One day I was trying to explain why I like BL and some people tried to gatekeep me in a “this isn’t about your kind!” fashion. It’s very much a Schrodinger’s Queer kind of situation. Funny, so I just don’t talk about it so I can not mind it, and I don’t. But I wonder if people think that not acknowledging the thing means it will simply not exist, like a ghost or in the way that some people who have illnesses don’t acknowledge them or w/e.
this post was sponsored by the fact that I have an important test today and then another tomorrow, and my mind goes anywhere but there. Also, maybe I do need to start a blog for musings on … stuff, because my mind is nothing but random thoughts & ramblings 
I feel sorry for my Twitter followers
1 Like
This generation has passed me by as I have no idea what that just said and my brain exploded.
1 Like
Every time someone says they don’t get what I just said I wonder if it’s because I can’t speak English as (somewhat-)fluently as I think I do, or if it’s something else entirely. I often assume the former, but, eh.
No, you’re just literally using terms I’ve never heard in 32 years on this earth, but I’m not part of the LGBT community so that might be why I feel like I’m reading a foreign language or some kind of scientific jargon.
1 Like
oh, okay then. (Thankfully I wrote something coherent, then?) Uh, biro ace is short for “biromantic asexual” . Kinda like how people say they’re “gay” because “homosexual” is a bit too long. (but I’m turning 29 in a few months so I would say it’s way less a matter of age and more of not being part of the ace community anyway lol.)
Oh okay ace is short for asexual, what’s biromantic? Is that like bisexual but you’re able to have a romantic relationship with both sexes even though you’re asexual?
1 Like
It‘s split attraction model. Romantic and sexual attraction are the same for some people and differ for others.
1 Like
Ah, now I’m learning. I wasn’t sure and now I know asexual just means you literally don’t like sex, nothing to do with attraction which is what I thought it was originally. That makes more sense. So they’re saying that they can be both attracted to and in a romantic relationship with someone as opposed to one or the other? @_@
1 Like
Yes, exactly. Being a romantic asexual means being asexual but not opposed to romantic relationships with no sexual dimension or even actively seeking them (not necessarily “no sex” as some aces put up with sex for allosexual partners, even, it’s just not a thing they care about in the romantic relationship).
1 Like
As of Sunday the Mises caucus has taken over power of the Libertarian party and sets the stage for 2024 against Biden and Trump/DeSantis. In less than two years time we will be able to see if Dave Smith can back up his talk and garner the biggest turnout for the LP in the history of the party or if he’ll fall short of what Ron Paul managed running on the Republican ticket.
Basically that’s not generally true.
There are several definitions. Where I live and the definition I go by is about attraction. But sexual attraction is something different than romantic attraction. Which leads to combinations like being homosexual but heteroromantic.
Being asexual also doesn’t necessarily mean to not like sex because aces still can feel arousal and desire. However as far as I know the bigger part of aces seeks to have sex compared to allosexual people (that’s more or less the opposite of ace people).
And both ace as well as aro are umbrella terms because there’s a huge variety what being ace and/or aro means to people and how they live their lives.
Tax Return Season was a lie, I still need whatever was refunded for property taxes for this year -.-
I can so relate to this. Just the thought of calling someone I don’t know, already makes me so nervous. It’s especially bad at the beginning of the conversation then I have a shivering voice and I only give short answers like “yes” or “no”. It’s like I can’t speak my own language anymore. 
But I can tell, you can be proud of yourself now that you made it! 
3 Likes
hide
1 Like
I’ve been getting into fights with my friends and generally agitated for no reason, and even though I’m the constant in all the circumstances I actually do believe that I’m in the right and it’s not just my mania talking.
It’s no secret to you guys by now that I discovered the guitar and dove in head first. Am I the greatest? No, but at some point in life I was no longer satisfied by only playing video games. Music gave me another avenue to find things to do. Playing the guitar grew into going to concerts, collecting vinyl, going to guitar practice, and linking up with people I would have never met otherwise! For example, I met a new dealer because I stopped in a store on the way to practice to get something to drink and the guy behind the counter wouldn’t sell me bud or papes, but the dealer overheard and took the chop. Who would have thought going outside would have you meet people?
Anyway, one person in my friend group in particular was feeling left out. I make it a point to invite him to everything but there’s always a reason or a rationalization behind the unavailability. The real reason is bad money hygiene and an inability to save or plan for the future. It’s a running meme at this point between me and another friend to check the Discord whenever we meet up to see who is on the voice chat. It’s almost always him, and he’s almost always playing VALORANT - which has some egregiously expensive skins that provide no value once you buy it, and then you need to buy another currency to level it up to get all the VFX and Finishers (skin bundles can start at $50-$60). Instead of having an honest conversation with himself, he came at me with subliminals talking about how “certain people changed” and how no one wants to “see or hear that shit” - that shit being literally anything we do IRL.
So you know I had to smith up some heat and come right back. There’s nothing fake about finding new interests or going outside and finding new things to do. People change! If you or your life hasn’t grown or changed since 2019, then in my opinion you’ve missed several boats. But if you’re committed to staying rooted in one spot and never changing, don’t be surprised when others drift away and find new friend groups. No one wants to play one video game 24/7, and personally I don’t buy the excuse for not having money to do IRL things when you spend buku bucks on textures in a game without a second thought. I challenged everyone in that Discord to find something to do that doesn’t require a screen. You’d be surprised how many “hobbies” we have that all involve staring at a screen. Even this one.
But wait, there’s more!
Even my grandmother is getting on my last nerves. She has some spinal problems and that comes with the territory of being old. Two weeks ago, a disc slipped while she was reaching for a box and she didn’t bother to tell me for two days. It was really bad. I don’t understand why she couldn’t call me and tell me that she threw her back out and she needed to go to the hospital. I had to convince her to get in an ambulance. Getting ready was absolute torture because she insisted on doing unimportant things instead of what needed to be done. I had to run around the house and prep the hospital bag because there wasn’t one ready, only to turn around to see her bending over to pick up a penny! She even tried to put on a denim jacket when it was 95F outside. I managed to keep my cool but I was just losing composure.
She spends all week there and then the minute she’s discharged it’s just constant requests and orders. It started with a last minute request to pick her up from the hospital - the area is so packed with traffic it’s a five mile trip that takes 45 minutes - and then constant badgering about why I’m not a talkative bundle of energy even though I’ve mentioned multiple times that I suffer from insomnia, I have a stressful job, and I only had ten hours of sleep that whole week and I was feeling it. Then, I had to get the medication. Then I had to go shopping and prepare food, pull up the rugs so she wouldn’t trip, throw out the spoiled food, wash the dishes, take out the garbage, air the apartment out, arrange the walkers so she could get around the apartment, hang up the jacket and other clothes, etc. That was just that one day. Every few days it’s a litany of things that I have to do and I don’t have the energy or willpower for it anymore, but she is not taking care of her business. The internet constantly goes out and it’s because she has a shit Internet provider and the wires in the building are old. There’s nothing I can really do but since I have two degrees people think I have Magical Computer Powers, so I wave my hands around the wires and mumble some hocus pocus until it decides to reboot and work. Or not. She wouldn’t even pick up the phone so she could schedule physical therapy appointments, so I have nurses chasing me down asking for her and if I’ve heard from her. However, she insists she’s fine and that she doesn’t need home aide. She absolutely refuses it and it makes me livid, because the implication is that I’m going to do it all.
I have a kid coming. I can’t take care of three people, plus work a full-time job, and then deal with my own demons. Learned helplessness is a trait that I do not desire in any person that I orbit. I haven’t told anyone yet because whenever I ask for help or advice it’s fear, uncertainty, and doubt. I wanted to move on up and invest some wealth in a house. I got far in the process and the whole time all I heard was how it was a risky investment and how I shouldn’t split it with my soon-to-be-wife and the multiple stories of the times she almost bought a house but didn’t. I don’t care. I already know it’s a risky investment. Either tell me something tangibly wrong, gimme good advice, or look to the Internet and try looking with me! The constant negativity from her wasn’t even the reason I stopped - it was because my partner’s father reviewed the inspection report and noted several items that would cost $20-30k total to fix before we moved in and there was no money or room in our budget to account for that. That’s the kind of feedback I want, not FUD. Even when I was looking for a place to live with my partner, she first got mad that I “didn’t tell her sooner” and then tried to convince me that I couldn’t afford it.
I can. I still do.
FUD is all I get, so imagine I tell her I have a kid coming. All she’s going to hear is “I don’t have time for you anymore”, and as mean as that sounds it’s quite accurate. I really don’t have time to be taking care of things she can take care of herself. My child and my partner will need all my time and attention, at least for the first six months. It will be cloaked in happiness but the terms of our relationship will change and she’s going to feel like I’m ditching her. But after a particularly frustrating phone conversation where she wakes me up at 8:40am in the morning to ask me why I’m not up yet (remember, insomnia means I sleep when I can) and then hangs up all pissy on me only to call back at 6:15pm right before I’m about to cook and vaguely gesticulate about taking a last minute trip through 30 minutes of traffic to pick up her medication before the pharmacy closes at 7pm…even though she had all day to inform me. Could have even sent a text. She didn’t even ask me to go explicitly - she just described the situation and expected I would jump at the opportunity to inconvenience myself. When I did not, she got all pissed off and tried to get someone else to do it. I vented to my fiancee - not at, to - and asked her if I was bugging out with how I’m perceiving things. Thankfully, she sees it the way I see it, because any time some emergency happens she’s the one with the car. She’ll get to a point soon where she can’t drive like that on a dime. Don’t get used to it.
And then yesterday, yet another conversation about Depp/Heard comes up. I was informed the trial was over, so I invite everyone to kindly move to the next thing. I am so tired of people waxing philosophical about the actions of people that don’t even know you exist. Anyone sitting there analyzing the Depp/Heard case is consuming domestic abuse as entertainment, and possibly even sees elements of themselves in that relationship, and if you even come close to any of that realization you’re circling the drain homie. You shouldn’t emulate either person; they are both broken people that need help. Hurt people hurt people. You see elements of yourself in that court case? Go get therapy. But instead, everyone wants to fire another take off at the hip about who is wrong and who is right and why, and no one is correct because no one has all the information. You only know what someone else heard from someone else. And then the conversation drifted into other pop culture icons with ridiculous takes such as “Kanye is just a troll he makes jokes people don’t get”.
Why do you care? Really…think about it, why do you care? Kanye does some dumb shit next week and makes headlines for three weeks…what does consuming that negativity benefit you with? Why bother getting personally invested with the story when it never really ends, and all it does is imprint its mark on you? Where do the endless conversations about retreading “facts” take us that we haven’t been to before? I mean for crying out loud, it’s hunting season in this country right now and we’re still trotting out the same dogmatic talking points like having the same conversation is gonna make a difference this time. It’s the definition of insanity - doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. It’s a fact at this point that large systemic failures get a collective shrug, but the smallest transgressions get blown up and out of proportion. I firmly believe that venting negativity just to vent negativity doesn’t get rid of it - it just multiplies it and passes it along to someone else.
“But Zeus, it’s just for fun”
Nah, sorry, none of that shit is fun. Talking about celebrities with more money than sense that manipulate you to separate you from your attention, identity, and money is not fun. Witnessing historical event after historical event superimposed on each other is not fun. Elaborating over tragedies again and again and again is not fun. None of this is fun. Adjust your definition of fun. Your definition of fun should not be licking the ass crack of the digital aristocracy in the hopes that they like the sensation and throw you a like on Twitter, or even trying to justify their actions so that one day you can follow in their footsteps and do the same.
Maybe I snapped on these guys a bit too hard, but I’m exhausted all the same. Everywhere I go, I can’t escape it. All people want to talk about are negative events, feelings, emotions, ideas, etc. I gotta bring and raise a kid in this world? What did I sign up for?
6 Likes
Ugh… I guess it won’t end soon. The neighbors’ kids have birthdays in like… 3 days apart. Everyone just go outside and I’m on the forth floor and their music is just killing me, not because I don’t like it, but because It’s so loud and my head hurts every time.
They argue with my mum when we listen quietly in our apartment and with me because I’m studying on music but they just go outside and put Doja Cat and tik tok songs loud like there aren’t more than 500 people that live it this building!
I feel like shit for opening my window and listen to music on the kids birthdays but… It’s not a big problem but It’s just something that bothers me a lot. And they never say hi, they just shout at me to close my windows and study “like a good girl” 